A forgotten object

I woke up to the sun shining hot on my face. I couldn't get my eyes to open, and my head was pounding as if a whole sound system had taken my skull hostage of its deep baseline. It took me a bit longer than usual to remember who I was. Who I was supposed to be. When I felt like I had it, I decided to open my left eye. The green canopy of a well trimmed tree appeared to quiver against the blue sky. I opened the right eye and the field of view widened to enclose a slice of a beach umbrella. The sounds around me suggested I wasn't at the seaside. Rather than the sloshing of waves in the low tide, I could hear a buzzing and some occasional splash. Birds chirping, too, and maybe a lawn mower in the distance. I sat up and saw I was on a tanning bed in front of a strangely shaped swimming pool. The buzzing noise was produced by one of those cleaning machines constantly at work to scrape the gunk off the pool tiles. And right in the center of the pool, opened and floating upside down, there was a red umbrella, with a handle of light, probably carved wood. There wasn't a single cloud in the sky. I groaned as I stood up on crampy legs to take a closer look. It was right in the center, impossible to get without a dive, and slowly rotated as a sleepy merry-go-round without music or giggling kids. It hadn't rained in weeks, I seemed to remember. Who would have brought an umbrella to this place?

She came out of the house in a shockingly white bathrobe, her hair wet on her shoulders. She looked at me, then at the umbrella.

– What is it doing there?

– No clue. And you are…?

– Oh don't play games, I haven't had my second coffee yet. Did you put it there?

– How?

– Oh, how do I know? Just get it out, it's out of place.

– Looks like a lily that's happy to see you – I commented.

She shrugged and went back inside. The red umbrella kept spinning slowly, and so did my head. I repeated myself I shouldn't drink on the job. Which job, I still wasn't quite sure.

***

– Hey! Hey, over here! – came a voice hissing from the nearby hedge. I shook my head, disbelieving it.

– You asshole! Come over here right now! – the hiss had turned into a growl.

I looked up at the sky, down at the slowly spinning umbrella, and to the right towards the hedge. I stood up and went to get a closer look at the rude hisser-growler, planning on grabbing them by the neck and shoving them in the water.

– Go get it, now! – squealed the voice.

– How is it that everyone wants me to go get something? Where are you?

– Right here, in the forest! Oh gosh, you're the most enormous asshole I've ever met! Look down!

And so I saw him. Tall as a couple of apples stacked on each other, with shockingly white pants and no shirt on his green torso, plus a ridiculous hat flopping on his forehead.

– What are you, a goddamn smurf with liver issues? – I couldn't help asking.

– I am the High Ambassador Shakasquil, and you better watch your mouth or I'll need to wash it up. Now go get my ship.

– I am not taking orders from a smurf!

– I do not know what a smurf is, but it sounds derogatory. I told you.

I felt something in my mouth. I tried to spit, but all that came out was a frothy foam, as a smell of lavender filled the air. I gagged, and spat in the pool. Soap bubbles started rising in the air from the water, and dancing around like fat ballerinas as I could hear the dissonant notes of what seemed like a music box behind my back.

***

As a steady flow of foam erupted from my mouth, the High Ambassador Shakasquil inquired:

– Will you now retrieve my vessel?

I found the idea of another possible punishment unbearable, so I meekly nodded and approached the edge of the pool.

– Quick! – he urged – before anyone else sees it!

I jumped in and actually enjoyed the cool water on my body. It cleared my mind and my mouth stopped bubbling as I approached the thing. Seen from up close, I could notice it was not a red umbrella after all. Its mast had a complicated, tiny panel at the bottom, and the fabric was more like some strange, translucent alloy. As I put my hand on it, I felt a tingling sensation run up my arm.

The thing was welcoming me, I could feel it. It got bigger and placed itself gently under me, scooping me up like a piece of fat from a simmering broth. It rose above the pool with its now familiar slow turning. I heard the squeaky, commanding voice from the hedge:

– Quick! Bring it here! I'm almost out of breathable air!

The ship had adapted to my size and was floating as if waiting for orders.

– Could you take me to Hawaii? – I inquired in my mind. The thing rose higher and I felt it accumulating energy, as a perfectly transparent shell rose to seal its top.

The High Ambassador Shakasquil squealed one last time:

– I'm gonna turn… you… into…

But I guess it was then that he ran out of his air, as I zipped through the sky away from my surveillance job - about which I had suddenly remembered - and towards a quite interesting development of my life.

After all, belonging is nothing more than a coincidence.